How our Beliefs form our Reality

Hey love!  Thanks for joining me here! 

I wanted to continue our conversation from last week where I shared a concept that has been incredibly influential in my life; the idea that what you’re not changing, you’re choosing.  If you haven’t had a chance to read that post yet, no worries, today’s post is more of a spin off and won’t need much previous context.  But I do suggest you go back when you have time to read the previous post because there is a lot of value and actionable takeaways in there.

To get you up to speed, I shared how this quote made me realize that I had the power to change things that held me back, kept me stuck or suffering, and that I just wasn’t happy with; and how living in that state was ultimately a choice I’d be making if I didn’t change.  How reframing that perspective of reality really inspires you to take action, because who wants to admit that they are choosing to be unhappy, stuck, or suffering?

In it I shared a framework I created that I’ve been using myself for the past few years that has changed my life.  I call it the Check In, Choose, Change Method, you can download the free worksheet here!

With this method, I help people create the life they dream of by realizing, and acting on, their power to change.  

And it all starts with awareness.  

We can’t truly understand the gravity of our reality if we aren’t self aware. 

We can’t recognize the limits that we have created for ourselves if we aren’t self aware.  

I’m reading a great book by Deepak Chopra called Metahuman, and in it he sums this up beautifully, saying,

“Not knowing who you really are keeps you stuck in secondhand beliefs, nursing old wounds, following outworn conditioning and suffering a sense of self-doubt and self-judgment.” 

Until we begin to pay attention to how we are living day to day, what makes us happy and what doesn’t, what fulfills us and what drains us, what we truly want and don’t want, therefore cultivating self awareness, we can’t choose to do things differently.  Without being self aware, we continue to live life how we always have, because that’s what we know.  That’s what’s familiar, and familiar is comfortable.  

But we know that growth doesn’t happen in our comfort zones, sameness does.  Growth can’t, and won’t, happen when your actions stay the same.  

So if you are feeling stuck, unhappy, unfulfilled, like there’s something more, something better out there for you, but you don’t know how to change it, or what to do next, keep reading.  Because you’re right; there is more, there is better, and the answer is simpler than you think.

As I mentioned earlier, the first step here is cultivating awareness.  You realize that you feel stuck, held back, or unhappy.  You feel this pull, this instinct that there must be  something different, something more, something better.  You can’t explain it, but you have this gut feeling that you don’t want to ignore any longer.  This pursuit is where self awareness begins.  

There are many great ways to cultivate self awareness - mindfulness meditation, journaling, having deep, meaningful conversations with friends, working with a life coach, practicing yoga.  It doesn’t happen overnight, but I can assure you that the journey of self discovery is one of the best ones you will ever take in your life.

As you strengthen your self awareness and become curious about who you are, you will start to notice your secondhand beliefs and outworn conditioning that Deepak Chopra talks about; these limits that are holding you back from living your best life.

For ease, I’m going to combine the two factors together and refer to what are called Limiting Beliefs.  Limiting Beliefs are thoughts or opinions about yourself and the world that you believe to be absolutely true that hold you back or restrict you in some way.

Limiting Beliefs can stem from negative past experiences (conditioning), things we’ve been told as children (secondhand beliefs), as well as fear of failure, self doubt, imposter syndrome.  They are self imposed blockers, boundaries, and limits that have formed in our minds by negative thoughts we tell ourselves enough times that we believe them to be true.

So how do we know what Limiting Beliefs we hold?

A good indicator of a Limiting Belief is what words the thought starts with.  A lot of them begin with “I don’t…” “I can’t…” “I’ll never…”  “I’m not…”  

For example, “I don’t have time,” “I can’t do that,” “I’ll never be able to do that,” and “I’m not good/strong/smart enough…”

However, just because a thought or belief starts with “I don’t” doesn’t automatically make it a limiting belief.  I believe that “I don’t like eggs,” which is not a Limiting Belief - it is absolutely true.  I fucking hate them.  I’ve tried eating them as a kid, again as a teen, and again as a young adult and I truly don’t like them and don’t think I ever will.

Alternatively, an actual Limiting Belief I held for a while was “I don’t have time.”  

I told myself this for years, leading through my peak burnout; I’d tell myself “I don’t have time to cook a healthy meal because I have to work.” and “I don’t have time to exercise because I need to hit this deadline…” etc. 

These are thoughts I believed to be absolutely true.  It wasn’t until I questioned them, and tested them, did I realize they were actually false.  

The second step in identifying a Limiting Belief is questioning it.

Next, you test; you do something different.  In my case, I took my belief that I didn’t have time to exercise and make my deadline and I tested it.  Instead of skipping exercise altogether, I went to a 1 hour yoga class the morning before work that day.  To my surprise, I got the same amount of work done as I would have if I had gone straight to my computer after waking up.

I continued to test this theory, and found myself going to yoga 3-4 times a week.  After a month or so, I noticed that my productivity and work efficiency improved despite spending less hours at my desk.  I felt better physically, mentally and emotionally which improved my work.

Limiting Belief, busted. Vs trying to eat eggs again, I still hate them.  That belief is valid.  See the difference?

Step 3 in identifying a Limiting Belief is testing, finding out if it is actually true or false. 

And once you know whether something is a limiting belief or not, you can reframe it, let it go, and stop letting it hold you back.

Why is this so important?  How does knowing ourselves, letting go of and reframing Limiting Beliefs change our lives?

Because Limiting Beliefs directly affect our mindset.

Our mindset is formed by our thoughts and beliefs which influence our behaviors and actions that set our path and build our reality.

To simplify - Beliefs form our Mindset, Mindset influences our Actions, Actions create our Reality.

To simplify even further - Beliefs form our Reality.

This is so important because when we cultivate a strong sense of self awareness and continue down the fulfilling journey of self discovery, we can understand what our true values, desires and purpose are.  

When we understand the power our beliefs hold, and our ability to choose what we think, we can consciously change them in order to create the reality we want.

When we combine these two realizations, our potential to live our most aligned life according to our true selves is unlimited, and completely possible.

When we act on this knowledge, living our best life becomes inevitable.

xxChelsea